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WORK ON YOU!

Roland and Esther met each other through a friend, courted for a couple of years and later got married. Roland has tried his best to make Esther happy but she was always lamenting that nobody including her husband loves her. At a counseling session after several years of Roland coping with the situation, the counselor discovered that Esther has been struggling with self rejection because of her terrible childhood experiences. This past experience had affected Esther so much that no one was willing to be her friend except her husband. She was always complaining and nagging and now Roland is almost giving up. Then the counselor began to educate both of them……

Relationships are not meant to be ENDURED but to be ENJOYED. Contrary to this many have developed coping skills in their relationships so they find themselves enduring everyday relationship such as marital, relationship with colleagues, family and friends. There are relationships we can easily get rid of as soon as they turn sour while there are some that will definitely leave a scar if we try separating from such.

Lack of fulfillment in relationships could be due to absence of a healthy relationship with yourself. In order words if I fail in my relationship with myself, I cannot relate well with anyone else. How we treat others is an extension of how we treat ourselves. The level of value you place on yourself determines how well you value another.

Moreover, the bible says the 2nd greatest commandment is ‘Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF’. So much emphasis has been placed on the first part of this statement while the other part is not so talked about. For instance if I inform you that you use a gadget the way you use another. In order words, I am saying that once you know how to use gadget B,it  is a pointer to how you use the gadget A. Therefore the journey of a great relationship starts with YOU! It begins with having a healthy relationship with yourself. If you don’t love YOU, you can’t LOVE me or anyone else. In order to know if you love YOU, kindly answer this question

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WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOU?

Love is a product of our thoughts. More often than not, we love people because of what we THINK of them. Hence, the question. What do you think of yourself? This goes beyond what your spouse, friend, pastor or family member think of you. As a matter of fact, it is easier to describe your partner than trying to express what you think of yourself. In order to prove this, I have asked few people to tell me what they think of themselves. Some came up with what people thought of them. They go like “my husband says; I am….. Or my mum feels like; I am sluggish.  As much as it is good to know what people’s views are about you because of what we call blind spot, It is dangerous to base how you feel about yourself on people’s thought of you. First, no one can know YOU like you know yourself. Secondly people judge us based on who they are. Someone said “what we judge in others is a disowned part of us.

Jesus asked his disciples while he was on earth with them “who do people say I am”. Among the 12 disciples, only one (Peter) person’s response resonated with what Jesus had in mind. This is why you must know who you are: weaknesses and strength, not denying any.  If you deny your weakness, you remain an old model of yourself because you can only improve on a product you know and understand.

The predominant thoughts of yourself can be an indicator of how much you love YOU. Many people reject genuine love because of self-rejection. They cannot just see what others see in them and don’t believe they are to be treated specially. This makes relationship very difficult. It is imperative that you know, accept, value and love yourself because how you treat yourself is how you will treat others. This is different from self-centeredness. Finally, lack of a healthy relationship with yourself could make you to put unnecessary pressure on your relationships like Esther did by demanding for what no other person is capable of giving you.

All of a sudden Esther started sobbing. She started realizing how terrible she felt about herself and her past mistakes. She always wished she was someone else: starting from her younger sister, to her friend in primary school, her class prefect in secondary school, her mate in the university and her colleague at work. She felt everyone was better and she had nothing to offer. She didn’t appreciate anything about herself and she feels Roland has been deceiving her. She believes she is empty and no one can genuinely love an empty barrel.  All these, she said was because of several steps she took in the past that made her feel like a failure and good for nothing.

Wow……no wonder she has had it tough relating with people. She reads meaning to every statement made by her spouse and she misunderstands what people do to her even when they have good intentions. The question is: how can Esther and every one of us in Esther’s shoes deal with this? Thanks to the first part of this article, Esther has learnt to change her thoughts about herself.

In order to take it further, the counselor tells her: FORGIVE YOURSELF. This is important because we have all done certain things in the past that we are not proud of. Like Esther, whenever we remember certain things, we blame ourselves. In contrary, start to take responsibility for what has happened and focus on a better future rather than blame yourself. Forgiveness is not from the head (not based on knowledge) but from the heart. You will need to convince yourself that if you knew better, you would have done better. Mind you, none of us is a saint. Let go and make room for love.

Secondly, change what you say about yourself. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What you say of yourself is a product of your thoughts, and your description of yourself determines your outcome in life. When we have healthy thoughts about ourselves, our words will become healthy words and we will love ourselves in healthy ways. My question is: do you talk down on yourself or do you boast of who you are not in a bit to impress someone?

Telling people who you are not is a sign that you don’t love yourself and it becomes difficult to enjoy any relationship if you don’t love yourself. This happens mostly when you prefer other people’s views of who you are to what you know about YOU. Desiring human approval is not totally wrong but we must not be addicted to approvals.

Dear friend, learn to celebrate yourself and you will be happy without feeling anyone must do it for you. Whatever will make you happy, don’t wait for anyone to do it or say it to you. Say it to yourself.
CHEERS! – Motolani.

THE BEST PLACE TO GET A GOOD WIFE IS IN A MATCHMAKER’S OFFICE.

You might disagreed with me when I talked about chasing a good woman instead of chasing money, but have you ever considered the life of a rich man with a bad wife? Is there any peace of mind or stable life for a man who is married to a troublesome woman?

Your marriage is your life. To some extent, getting it wrong/right determines how the journey of your life will end. In my years of practice as a matchmaker, I have noticed that the “good girls” are majorly the ones finding it difficult to get married. This is because, men want to make money before getting married, and when they “get any woman I want after making money”, like they always say, its usually the ‘bad girls.’

These are girls you will always find with guys who have money to throw around, the good girls won’t run after money and will not want to send the wrong signal of marrying a man because of his money.

So, most time, the ‘bad girls’ are the first to get married, because they are readily available, they are not worried about virtues or keeping virginity. They will follow men just because of their money and they readily understand the cunning skills to keep their men for life.

This explains why we have so many troubled marriages these days, women marrying for wrong reasons, and the men falling preys by making themselves available for such women.

This also explains why I have graduates, homely, internationally trained good girls with good jobs who are virgins, still trying to get married. You dont believe me right? Because you believe all women wants money, I have 27, 30, 33, 40 and even 41 years old virgins, and so what? These are exceptional ladies whose values cannot be bought with money.

Register with Intimate Matchmaking today and meet real and genuine women: www.intimatematchaking.com

CHASE A REAL WOMAN INSTEAD OF CHASING MONEY

“There are more women than men” a very common statement among young men these days, some will even go as far as quoting Isaiah 4:1, but i can categorically tell you that, the number of men of marriageable age are currently more than those of women, even here in Nigeria. The reason why men seems to be more than men is because of the economic situation, the men who are due for marriage are not able to take the steps because of their financial situation.

My point here is not about the economy, but about the fact that a lot of young men are getting it all wrong. If these young men can divert half of the energy they are using, trying to make money, get a 3 bedroom apartment, buy a car… bla bla… to making sure they get the right woman, getting to the desired destination will be shorter and less rigorous.

Good women dont marry just for money, money is just an icing on the cake for real women, and when you find one, she will join you to work on a better future and your speed will increase. The right two will always be better than one. “Make money and get any woman you want” is the beginning of a lifetime mistake and marital failure. you dont believe my first statement? Google is your friend. Wont you rather get a good woman who will build with you? Register now at: www.intimatematchmaking.com

10 REASONS WHY SEX IS WORTH WAITING FOR

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I know you’ve heard it over and over again and by now you have concluded that “aye n serue”. A lady once told me that the people saying one should wait till marriage before having sex never waited in their time, some also argue that they need to test to be sure. But I need to let you know that the fact that others are doing it doesn’t make it right and testing is not a guarantee for a superb sex life in marriage. Maybe you should read these few points; it will help you to understand why sex is meant for marriage.

  1. Sex is a powerful force that can destroy if not used properly. Like atomic power, sex is the most powerful creative force given to man. When atomic power is used correctly it can create boundless energy; when it is used in the wrong way it destroys life. Sex is the same kind of powerful force. Sex is a gift from God to give us the greatest pleasure, to help in creating a deep companionship with one’s spouse and for procreation of the next generation. But if you play with this powerful force outside the bounds of marriage, it destroys you and those close to you.
    2. Sexual activity for young people arrests their psychological, social and academic development. Studies show that when young people engage in premarital sex, their academic performance declines and their social relationships with family and friends deteriorate. This is because adolescents are too immature to deal with the explosive sex drive and it tends to dominate their life.
    3. The majority of women cannot enjoy sex outside of the bonds of marriage. The development of a fulfilling sex life needs the security and peace of the marriage bond. Premarital sex usually takes place sneaking around in hidden places dealing with the fear of being caught, the fear of pregnancy and feelings of guilt. All these (worrisome) factors undermine pleasure in premarital sex, most especially for women.
    4. Virginity is to be given to the most important person in your life, the person you committed yourself to stay with forever in marriage. Your virginity is the most precious thing you have to give to your spouse. Once you lose it, nothing in the world can bring it back. Don’t lose something so precious in a thoughtless way.
    5. Those who engage in premarital sex run a high risk of contracting one of the many venereal diseases rampant today, as well as losing their fertility. Not just AIDS, but other common disfiguring diseases like herpes have no cure. I WILL BE GLAD TO READ YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS, WHY DO YOU THINK SEX IS WORTH WAITING FOR?……YOU CAN GET THE COMPLETE DVD OF THIS ARTICLE AT: http://intimatesolutionnetwork.com/new/?post_type=product

REAL MEN DON’T HIT WOMEN

When you hit a woman, you are trying to fight for supremacy in your own house, you are struggling for power in your own territory and you are working hard to convince yourself that you are truly the one in charge of your domain.

I agree that women could be terrible sometimes but its not enough reason to raise your hand on her. Why will you beat someone you professed to love and cherish for the rest of your life? How will you react if someone hit your wife, your pride, outside? Have you ever thought about the psychological effect on your children?

Hitting a woman says a lot about your ego and personality man, there are punishment that hit women harder than physical abuse. Real men don’t beat women!

FROM MY BOOK: TOLU’S 10 KOBO, YOU CAN GET A COPY HERE: www.intimatesolutionnetwork.com.

DO YOU THINK THERE’S ANY JUSTIFICATION FOR HITTING A WOMAN, DROP YOUR COMMENTS HERE…

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