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HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORKS

HOW TO MAKE A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WORKS
In a world where one has to make ends meet, study hard and strive to become somebody, leaving one comfort zone and breaking new grounds is inevitable, but the impact of distance on relationships cannot be overemphasized.

It is commonly said that “out of sight is out of mind” , this is because its easier to get carried away when you’re not with the one you love, even though true love should be able to stand the test of time, but distance has its way of taking its tolls on relationships if not well managed.

It is hard enough to make local relationships work, but having miles, states, and sometimes even an ocean between you makes it even more difficult. However, successful long distance relationships can and do exist. It will survive as long as you are willing to work it out. Here are few tips that can help you to keep it steamy hot even when you are miles away from the one you love:

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1. Ask the important questions at the onset:  If relationship is not defined, weathering the storms of distance becomes an issue. Make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship (dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged) as well as defining exclusive (limited to one person,) or non-exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: “Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?” or “What are you looking to get out of the relationship?” Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.

2. Do things together: Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it’s important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think… People in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show, reading novels/books or watching movie simultaneously.

3. Communicate as often as possible: Since you won’t be seeing each other, it’s important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don’t always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program, real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand—you don’t take communication for granted! There’s nothing like too busy to reach out to someone you love, nothing!

4. Take advantage of the advantages and benefits: Its a common saying that staying too long together can lead to been boring, in fact it is clinically advised that every one should have his/her own time in a relationship/marriage to avoid emotionally overburdening the relationship. Take advantage of the benefits that the distance offered and make the best of it. Learn new business/skill, spend more time with friends and/or family, get another certificate, volunteer in a caus eyoure passionate about etc. Another advantage of distance relationship is the fact that you fight and argue less, no arguments over toothpaste caps, no enlargement over who did what…. The pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality—something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together. Here are additional benefits of long distance relationships.

5. Pursue common interests: even if it means pursuing them apart. If there’s a movie you’re both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you’re on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.

6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match—or someone else is a better match—your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.

7. Try challenging each other: This is not the same as being controlling. You may find that you can do things for each other that you couldn’t quite find the motivation to do on your own. Perhaps you could motivate yourselves to get some exercise or to cook better or more often. It will give you something to do while you wait to see your partner again, and it will give you both something to strive for and talk about until then.

8. Talk about your future together: Assuming that ultimately you’d want to live together, discussing how you’re going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.

9. Remember: Things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope. Visit often. Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone call. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some “rules” about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them. Consistency can help a long-distance relationship survive.

10. Avoid jealousy and be trusting. One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship, you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worthy of trust until proven otherwise. Don’t fall in the trap of interrogating your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven’t met or he/she didn’t get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a long-distance relationship doesn’t mean your lives will pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure, it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive, but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.

11. Be positive. Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a long-distance relationship is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive point is that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, to communicate better since you don’t have “face-to-face” time and to test (and express) your feelings. As long as you see the long-distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.
Give them a personal object of yours so in a time of need, when they miss you, they are able to hold on to something that once belonged to you. This will provide comfort, happiness, and the thought of being with you.

12. Work towards a balanced relationship between partners: A relationship must be built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that the relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about. But don’t forget to ask some questions because if you don’t, your partner may start to think that you’re losing interest.

13. Create your own set of relationship standards that both of you have mutually agreed upon. That creates a common goal for you to work towards, developing a strong relationship whether you are together or apart. For example, agree to disagree, accept each other as you are, practice trust and honesty, strive towards compromise and self-sacrifice, seek spiritual unity, and maintain open communication.
14. Set date and time for your plans: Don’t just plan, we will get married soon, we will work on staying together soon….. Make sure you include date on every of your plans and goals and work towards achieving it on the set date.

15. Be committed: Commitment is more of determination and not just only about feelings. Be disciplined enough to be dedicated to your relationship. If your commitment is strong enough, overcoming temptations and the challenges that comes with distance becomes easier.

Are you in a distance relationship/marriage and finding it difficult to make things work? Follow here to talk to a counselor: http://counselling.intimatesolutionnetwork.com/service/

HOW TO TELL SHE LIKES YOU

HOW TO TELL SHE LIKES YOU

You have been making moves to get acquainted with her, you could have been chatting for weeks online and have now decided to meet on a date. She could be an old friend or you are probably meeting for the first sign and you want to be sure you are not pushing your luck too hard. Here are some few psychological green light to look out for to confirm if you can take things a step further.

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1. She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.

2. Her skin tone becomes red or a bit pale while being around you.

3. She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.

4. She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she’s thinking about you and her relating in some way…

5. She Plays with her jewelry, especially with stroking and pulling motions.

6. She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.

7. She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.

8. Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth…

9. She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.

10. She puts her fingernail between her teeth.

11. She laughs in unison with you.

12. She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you.

13. She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.

14. Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.

15. While talking to you, she rest an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up.

16. In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided attention on you.

17. While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.

18. Big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing with a relaxed face.

19. She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.

20. Eyebrows raised and then lowered, then a smile usually indicates interest in you.

21. She rubs her wrists up and down

22. She laughs at your boring stupid joke

23. She always stare back whenever you glance at her

24. She seems to be always there when you need help

25. she wants to see you again or be in your presence regularly

26. she avoids mentioning her boyfriend but want to know if you have a girlfriend

27. she discusses you with her friends

 

GUIDES ON HOW TO POST PICTURE ON A MATCHMAKING SITE

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Most time people don’t get to know the brilliant, loving, caring, good and dependable heart behind the face before judging you by your look, that is why your look can determine the way people will relate with you even when they don’t know the real you. For a matchmaking site its even more complicated, most time there are thousands of faces to loom at, and the first thing that will make anyone click on your profile is not your qualifications but your picture. This is why getting it right when it comes to the kind of picture you post on a matchmaking site is not contestable. These few point will guide you when it comes to posting the right picture on your profile.
1. Do not post pictures with other people at the background: This will distract people who are looking at your picture and therefore remove you from being the center of attraction. Attention will be divided and this is not good for you.
2. Do not post picture of you with an opposite sex: If you post this, it send the signal of “i am taken or comfortable, don’t mess with me”. No matter how beautiful or handsome you look, this will push people who would have readily clicked on your picture, away.
3. Do not post picture that make you look like a workaholic: Pictures with piles of file on your table or you trying to subdue a mountain of job will scare people away.No one want to start dragging space with your job in your life, so watch it before you send a wrong signal.

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4. Do not use too much make up: especially for the ladies, when your make up is overdone the first thing that comes to a mans head is “she’s fake” . Do a very light make up that make you look elegant and classy rather than owanbe make up look. The same thing applicable to the men, overly tattooing, extra large jewelries and making up like a woman will do you more damage than good.
5. Use a plain or simple background with a frame: overbuys background is a distraction, choose your background wisely, a simple plain background or one with just a simple frame will be better.
6. Flaunt your assets but don’t expose your body: If you consider any part of your body an asset, flaunt it! It becomes a problem if you over expose, especially for a strict and serious minded matchmaking site like intimate matchmaking, people might judge you wrongly if you are half naked, there’s no point.

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7. Be playful: Don’t be too serious, it scares people away, a funny playful picture make you look more lively, rather than a serious looking picture that makes you look unapproachable.

8. Do not display what looks like an engagement/wedding ring: Dont get it twisted, wearing a ring on the engagement or wedding finger will send a wrong signal even if it was meant to be a fashion ring.

9. A full body picture will be good: especially when you have options to post more than one picture, post your full body picture and probably another one with just your face. This will clear any doubt about your frame and stature.

INTIMATE MATCHMAKING, THE MOST RELIABLE SITE FOR INTERNATIONAL DATING!

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It is no doubt that Africa has one of the most strict form of parental upbringing around the worlds. Strict cultural and religious style of upbringing are norms that cannot be overestimated in Africa. These in turn has formed a tangible part of whom people grow up to become in this part of the world.

Culturally speaking, men are not allowed to approach ladies for marriage or dating proposal in the olden days, there must be an intermediary who will be the one to do that on behalf of the man. In fact families pick spouses for their children in those days, and most of the time their judgment are always right.

Respect is one aspect of African culture that is also very important, in fact women are meant to kneel down as a show of respect when greetings the elders and the men are to prostrate, you don’t call people who are older than you by name and you dare not talk when elders are talking.

Even though some of these values are been eroded as a result of education, civilization and exposures, the core values of an average african man/woman cannot be taken away from him/her.

Though these culture, shape Africans to be respectful dedicated and descent, there are some negative aspect of it that also affects the citizens especially the female folks. In this part of the world, to be a single mother is liken to committing a crime and in fact being divorced is like a dreaded ailment. Its worse if one is above the expected marriageable age and still single, its either the parents are threatening to disown her or the society look at her like as if she’s plagued. These societal pressures put an average african lady under serious pressure to get married as soon as possible, its as if being single is a deadly disease, especially when you cross the 30 years old age bracket.

The most worrisome aspect of this is the fact that no average African man wants to marry a single mother, divorcees or someone above 30. The response of an average African man to being matched with a lady above 30 is worrisome and baffling at the same time. As a matchmaker, i sometimes get angry at the level of ignorance, “ my parent will disapprove, she’s close to menopause, my church will not allow” bla bla bla….. This situation has put a lot of single ladies/ mothers in a very tight situation. These are some of the reasons why most women stay in abusive relationship/marriage, not because they want to, but because of the fear of what the society will say.

Looking at the western world, say, places like Europe and America, the reverse is the case, being a single mother, divorcee or single at thirty is no one’s business, no one will look at you as if you are sick or incapable of loving because of situations that are beyond your control. That is why more and more african ladies are now looking at the possibilities of marrying foreigners, at least getting married to someone who will not judge but love them for whom they are.

Intimate Matchmaking is not the usual matchmaking sites you see around, it is strictly built with all dedication and seriousness for people who are truly willing to settle down. Its not for flings or unserious attachment, but for long and lasting relationships that will stand the test of time.

Our compatibility test was tested and designed by group of experts with years of experience and researches. The various features in the site were painstakingly and rigorously put together to achieve our dream of divinely bridging the gap between you and your soul mate.

Therefore, if you are a foreigner interested in marrying a homely, well brought up, sexy and dedicated african lady/man, you are in the right place! Intimate matchmaking is currently the most trusted site in Africa, here you can make your best choice of a long and lasting relationship.

THE DOS AND DON’T OF A FIRST DATE

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Blood gushing, heart beating, voice shaking and a lot going through your mind. “How do I get it right and keep him/ her? I need to impress my date to take things to the next level”……. Your mood is understandable, these tips will help you to calm down your nerves and do things the right way.

1. Don’t try too hard to impress: I understand you could be agitated, tensed and will want to do everything to look your best to give a lasting impression on your first date, but have it at the back of your mind that simplicity carries the day when it come to first date. The simpler the better! A loud make up is a no no, keep it simple and clean, ponytail or a long straight falling hair is a turn on. For the guys , make sure you keep it clean and simple. A pair of clean Jean with a nice fitted(not too fitted)T-shirt is a good one. Whenever it come to your first date, anything with the word ” too” is going to spoil things.

2. There’s no alternative to smelling good: believing that you have understood that “too” is a no no, smelling good is a turn on. Ladies are easily attracted to a man that smells good and it makes a woman sexier for to men. Don’t compromise that, get a very good and attracting perfume/cologne, you will be surprised that he/ she will keep smelling you after days of your meeting.

3. Add a little bit of sexiness: a little cleavage is not a bad idea, don’t forget the word little, dress up in a way that attention is drawn to your “selling point”. Men are moved by what they see, this is a useful fact anytime any day. Stylishly Drawing attention to your neatly manicured nails and broad shoulder is a plus for the men.

4. Don’t talk about your ex or ask about his/her: I mean, who does that on a first date. The date is about you two and not a looser somewhere else, frequent talk about your ex is a sign of insecurity, especially when you say bad things about them. Don’t do it, avoid it completely or it will ruin your date. If he/she asked about him/ her, casually talk about what happened in a pleasant manner and change the topic.

5. Don’t over- order: when you are to choose your menu, keep it clean and simple. Don’t order for a food you are not familiar with to avoid disgrace and of course don’t under for what you won’t eat , it’s a sign of wastage. Do I have to mention that you should order decently, not shawarma, fried rice, chicken and chips, native soup and pounded yam , all at the same time, if you do, I bet that could be your last supper in that relationship.

6. Be honest and genuine: be yourself, don’t pretend to be whom you are not, if your date raised a topic you are not familiar with, rather than committing blunders, show your readiness to learn, he/she will be impressed.

7. Don’t ask/give in to sex: sex will not keep a man and pregnancy will not make him stay. Forget those telling you that sex on a first date will keep you in a man’s heart, it’s not possible. If you like tumble like Ronaldo on the bed or jump up and down like Serena Williams, no man will keep you just because he got into your honey pot on the first date. Men love to chase and conquer, don’t deny him the privilege of doing that.

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